Being a Mom in the 21st Century
When I found out that I was going to be a Mom in 2011 I was elated! Right away I announced my news to all my family and friends, once we were past the first trimester mark, and everyone was elated. My husband was beyond excited and so was I. I knew though, that deep in my heart it was going to be trying at times to be a mom because in the near future I was going to be fully responsible for another human being. The game was about to change, but I, of course being naive, thought it would be easy to be a mom. But, two and a half years later, I must confess, it has been anything but easy.
It wasn't until I was talking with my grandmother on the phone the other day, when I was telling her about how amazed I was that she was able to raise three kids, as I was struggling with my sanity to raise just one, that she said to me, "Ya but Karla, you have it harder than I did?" My response to that was, "I don't believe that for a second Grandma". But then she made some sound arguments. When she had my mother, my uncle, and my aunt, she was a stay at home mom. Yes, the times were hard, yes money was tight in the 1950's but you know what, she had less to juggle. Today, moms are expected to do a lot more and to be a lot more than their mother's and their grandmothers. Let me explain.
As mother's of the 21st century, we have to juggle many roles and do them well, or else we are faced with questions, judgment, and an overall feeling of defeat. We are expected to be understanding and patient mothers who enroll our children in numerous afterschool activities and play dates. We must also excel at our jobs, keep the house in order, be an amazing and attentive wife, and look amazing doing all of that. The expectations placed on mother's today and the roles we must manage have increased, hence an increase in tired and overwhelmed mothers, myself included.
Who has placed these expectations on us? Well, I don't think there is just one person or group of people to blame, but I do think there is a bunch of factors that play a role in how myself, and other mother's today, are feeling overwhelmed. Some of these people and groups of individuals range from other mother's, to psychologists, and even our own mother-in-laws. In the end, it all comes down to not wanting to fail as a mother or to be perceived as a failure. For myself, I want to be the best mother, wife, sister, and best version of me I can be. But, by letting these roles take over my expectations of myself, I have quickly learned that I cannot be the everything for everyone and something has to give.
So, as a mom, my new goal is to aim for more balance and a little more harmony in my life. That means that some days I may pick up Kai from daycare and I may look like a hot mess, or I leave the dishes in the sink till the next morning, or I take a nap in the middle of the day instead of going for a coffee and a walk with a girlfriend. In the end, I have learned that in order for me to achieve harmony, I need to listen to my needs for once, and not just the needs and expectations of others. I have to stop judging myself as well as worrying about what other people think. It's not easy, but I am working on it!
Hence why I have started this blog. I love reading, writing, and just being able to express myself, and that part of me was lost when I had Kai because I just could not fit it in to my day. Today, I am starting my own blog and am excited about it. I would love for other mother's and father's to share, contribute, and respond to my blog because as a community of parents, we can encourage and support each other on this bumpy road, otherwise known as parenting.
Yes, being a Mom in the 21st century is not easy, and yes there are days when I often wonder if it is ever going to get easier, but I do know one thing, that my little one, just like your little one, is not going to be little forever. So, we must be the best mom and parent that we know to be, while also achieving the balance and harmony we deserve, in order to make it through the trials and tribulations of our reality in raising a little one.
